Beloved Daughters

update on my beautiful little girl

2008-09-07T14:59:00.000-07:00

Wow! It is tempting in print to make everything sound rosey, wonderful with adoption. Nobody wants to tell you the hard times and trials all parents have with new children into the family. I could have filled a book with the hard times, work and patience it took to help Mia turn the corner and trust us. But honestly, I have only praise for June's journey to us so far. Not that it has to do with us, but she was prepared in her orphange for us, was taken very good care of and kept in a nurturing environment until we could come and get her. Her journey into our family and into our souls has been so easy. She now loves her Daddy and no longer fears him. She will go to him without hesitation. However, if I am around, she still prefers me. She puts her head on my shoulders when I pick her up, and pats me on the back. She leans over often to kiss me. She sleeps like a dream, often 14 hours nonstop a night with a nap in the afternoon. Even though she has an open palate, she eats most everything I put in front of her. She is full of life and laughter. I watch her run around the living room and its not long before she rolls her head back and laughs out loud. Mainly, she laughs because as I look into her eyes, I can see that she is happy to her soul. No sadness there, no eyes that remind me that she has lived a hard past, no behaviors that tell me she is trying to trust after a painful start. She simply is a lovely, loving, kind, happy little girl. I feel that we won the parent lottery. She is delicate, and mine. Her surgery is in Dallas 9/16 and the doctors will be closing her palate, revising her lip and fixing her nose all in the same surgery. Please think of her this day as she struggles to understand why the momma she trusts is letting this happen. She will be wearing arm restraints for one month and on liquids for one month. My heart breaks for her during this time. Funny how this surgery sounded so matter of fact as we signed up for this special need and for her. But now that she is here and mine, the surgery somewhat overwhelms my heart for her. I know I am a doctor, but really , in this case, I am just a momma. One who remembers my last visit to a pedi hospital with horror, and dont look forward to this next one. But, I know that the red thread that prepared us for June and her for us continues, and takes us to this next step. Please look at and enjoy the next few pics. She is magnificent. And Mine.

Off To College

2008-08-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

Where did the last 19 years go? I tenderly held my blonde headed-blue eyed little baby son close to me and imagined his life. I had so many plans for him. So many dreams. But I didnt even dream as well, or aim as high as he has gone so far. My son Tyler was taken to college this weekend and tucked into his dorm. As I moved him in, I held back the tears. Tears of pride, tears for the gratitude I feel for watching a young man become the man I imagined him to be. He is talented, kind, smart and loving. He is the first to proudly declare himself a "momma's boy". He has shared things with me that would make other mother's envious. I know his heart, and it is good. He is not a perfect person, but a person who gives back to this world. I am so proud of him. As I let go, and let him become his own man, I know he knows there is a crazy old momma at home who has unconditional love for him. A momma who watches him now from afar with admiration and joy. I am a better person because he was given to me.

But it is so hard to let them go. Here are a few pics of us moving him into Texas Christian University (TCU). And, oh my, the dorms are still awful.

Her Birthday

2008-08-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

Aug 14 was Mia's birthday. She would be 6 year old. I will always remember this day and celebrate her birth. She loved her birthday, she loved her grandma's cakes she made for her, and loved opening presents. She hadnt gotten old enough to figure out that there were "birthday parties" for kids, because she loved our "family parties" and we always made sure she was a princess on this day.
Forever, on this day, I will remember her life and birth. It is my duty as her Mother to remember, celebrate and love.
God, how I miss her.

Home

2008-07-16T18:43:00.000-07:00

Well, we have been home almost 2 weeks and I cannot believe how amazing our sweet little girl is. She has adjusted like a dream. She walks all over the house, explores, runs and laughs out loud all the time. She loves the 3 boys, and still thinks Riley is her 3rd parent. He is so rough with her, and she loves it. We , in turn, are so gentle with her and she is such a gentle little soul. Someone taught her to trust, and it is so evident in that she let us in so quickly. She is not afraid anymore, and loves us so much. I have had so much fun watching the fear leave, and the laughter begin. Our hearts were so prepared for her, and hers for us. Thank you God.

I will never forget coming into the baggage area at midnight on our trip home from China. There standing were Tyler and Jordan. The look in their eyes when they saw her will always stay with me. Two big old boys, men actually, who were standing there holding a big stuffed rabbit, had faces that immediately softened, their eyes slightly opened, and they had an amazing look of love for her when they saw her. There is no way to explain what love I saw, for her and us. Not everyone can love a child immediatly . Not every family can bring in a child and feel like she has always been there. We can. And I am so very glad we did.

Isnt she magnificent?

To Our Friends and Family

2008-07-01T07:17:00.000-07:00

We will get home late wed, or early thurs. am. Please remember that June is in transition. She is not a happy, playful toddler. She wont want you to hold her, touch her, and she is most likely to be overwhelmed in our new home for her. It will take a few days for her to settle in. We will keep her home as much as possible early on, to get her feeling secure and safe. When you see her, please do not expect her to let you hold her. She probably may not even look at you. She is very grumpy at present, and will need lots of love and time. She wont even walk without screaming, because she only wants to be held. Be patient with Riley. He thinks he is one of her parents, and has repeatedly informed us of how to hold her, care for her and gets her from us, because he knows what she needs. He will have to transition to big brother, since he has been like a 3rd parent to her here in China. So if he is a little territorial and bossy, forgive him. He will move on soon to his video games and computer. I do hope June will let her Dad in soon, because my neck and back are killing me. We hope we all survive the 24plus hours home, nonstop except for layovers 5 hrs at a time. Cant wait to see you all.
I guess I'll have to rename the blog title. No longer is one daughter waiting in China. I will forever miss the daughter waiting in heaven. She will not ever be replaced or forgotten. Two different girls, one mom and dad who love them eternally. How can we ever be the same again?
Love to all,
The Texas bound Foursome

Bon Appetit

2008-07-01T06:52:00.000-07:00

These were the choices for main entree at the restraunt we walked by tonight. I left out the photos of the puppies, kittens, and scorpions. Too yucky and sad for words. Blahhhh! But someone is enjoying them tonight. And to think, I ate eel a week ago. (still nauseated at that one).

Last full day in Guanghzou

2008-06-30T21:34:00.000-07:00

Today we went to a Buddist temple and several other families had their babies blessed by the monks. I wanted Riley to see the beauty of the temple and I think it is an interesting thing to see in China. We did not bless our baby, mainly because it is, in my heart, contrary to the inner beliefs I have in a heavenly father. I have asked our God for blessings on this little girl from the moment I saw her photo. So, I pass no judgement on those who do this, but feel for our family, the visit to the temple was for interest only. We did see the female budda who is in charge of fertility, and when our guide told us this, I wanted to run...and fast. No fertility blessings desired here. We have been fertile enough. LOL.. Enjoy some photos of the day.

Safari Park Guanghzou

2008-06-30T07:16:00.000-07:00

We visited the safari zoo yesterday and it is a beautiful botanical type zoo. You ride in a little tram thru part of the park and watch the animals as in an african safari. Half way thru the day, at the furthest part of the park , on foot, we got caught in a torrential downpour. Rained and Rained. June was a trouper but after we were all soaking and cold, she got a little miffed. She must have throught "The amazon people have taken me home to the rain forest". Riley enjoyed it all, and liked the rain the most. I will have to censor Curtis's general feelings about the day. LOL. PS: June still HATES him. With a passion. He is trying to act like he is ok and understands, but I think it is wearing on him. Me too, since that leaves me doing everything for her. And when she gets upset and cries(which is alot) she now screams for MOMMA at the top of her lungs. And I am not the momma she is crying for. She misses her nannies at the orphanage and her stable world. It is so very hard to hear. Breaks my heart, really. I pray she will soon find some peace. The process for her has been very heartbreaking. I feel like a kidnapper.

One more day, then we leave for home.

cindy

Talk to the Hand, er...No, the back of the head

2008-06-29T06:56:00.000-07:00

When we go out to eat, we put June in a high chair. Very quickly, she manages to turn herself around completly and put her back to us. It is comical, really, and no matter how many times I turn her around, she is right back with her back to me and her dad. Have you ever tried to feed a child ? Especially since most of her food is liquidy. My back and arms are tired from being a contortionist. You just gotta laugh at the spunk of this girl. Lord help us!

Do you think by looking at this photo that she is sending us a subtle message?

LOL

cindy

PIX FROM GUILIN

2008-06-29T02:00:00.001-07:00

Elephant Trunk Hill And Reed Flute Cave

Guilin City

Li River Cruise

Tower of Terror

2008-06-28T15:33:00.000-07:00

We arrived 2 days ago in Guanghzou. We are now at the Victory Hotel and rejoicing for the bigger rooms and better smell. No trace of mildew, than you very much. It is raining here, so it has dampened my shopping urges quite a bit. Today we go to the Safari park with the rest of our travel group. We have met up with several more families, and they are all as enjoyable to be around as the first part of our group. We did the dreaded paperwork session yesterday. 3 hrs around a large table getting paperwork completed. And I just thought I was done. Night before last was a horrible night for June. She cried all thru the night and maybe slept 1 hour. I was the walking zombie yesterday and definately felt "post call". I kindof melted down last night and told Curtis maybe I was too old and tired to do this again. He looked at me and told me to look into June's huge eyes and then tell him that. He was right. Even post mommy call, I looked at her face and had to smile. Its good , but it tiring. And that is just honest.
She hates the hotel rooms in general. When we walk into the rooms she screams and I have renamed the Victory Hotel "The Tower of Terror". Terror for her, so ultimately, terror for us.
A update on her special needs. Her cleft palate is actually not very wide, which made me very happy. Some children with cleft affected palates almost have no tissue at the top of their mouths. She has a fairly narrow split, so I hope that increases her success with surgery since there will be less tension when things "pulled together". Her lip actually looks good in photos, but in person you can tell it will need to be repaired. One side of her lip is not up were it is supposed to be. This leaves on side of mouth without much lip, and a little tissue blob (sorry for all medical terms LOL) in middle. This will need to be cut, and realigned. Her nose is as expected, and probably less affected than others with this since palate is less severe. Her foot is really not an issue. It has healed well. She is just so thin, and when I took her clothes off for the first time, I just wanted to cry. Tiny, skinny with bones showing and no muscle development at all. I have no idea how this girl can walk. She has tiny, lovely hands and they remind me of Riley's at 3 months of age. Amazingly little.
She has finally started having 2 good wet diapers a day. I know she must think I am weird, since she was so dehydrated when we got her, and wouldnt take the bottle, I was spoon feeding her one spoon of water every few minutes thru the day. Everytime she looked at me I was sticking a spoon of water in her mouth. She probably thought I was the giant spoon lady. "Oh no, here comes the water lady again with that tiny plastic spoon that she carries everywhere".
Feeding her and food has been an issue. Honestly, I am a "seasoned" momma, and have fed many babies. But when you are given a child and then leave, this part is hard. You dont know what kind of formula and taste they are used to. I asked the orphanage director, and he said"the usual kind" IE: I dont know, I dont take care of the babies". Then you dont know if it needs rice cereal, needs to be hot(some babies here only like it hot) or warm. Then there is the whole cleft thing and not able to suck. She cant or will not chew, so all food goes down whole. So we are left with feeding her poridge, congee and oatmeal. Oh well, we'll get it.
Gotta go now, she just woke up screaming. Let the daily terror begin....
cindy
hands up screaming as the tower of terror ride drops

Guilin Update Part 2

2008-06-27T06:52:00.000-07:00

We have had a whirlwind of activity in Guilin. Yesterday we took the Li River cruise. We boarded a boat with an indoor area and a flat top. During the cruise we were able to stand on the top around the railings and view the beautiful and unique mountains and landscape. We saw amazing scenery and enjoyed it a lot. While we were on this cruise there was a group of about 20 teenage girls and their parents on a homeland tour. These girls were all adopted from china as young children and were back to tour China. It was fun to see the future in our girls. The only depressing thing is that I look now like these parents do. And I am just starting.
We cruised for about 4 hours and pulled into a quaint village to tour. As we disembarked, there was a man there with 2 birds on a stick allowing you to take a photo with him for 5 yuan(less than 1 dollar). We thought we would let riley do this and right before we got to the start of the line, the lady in front of us stood with the man and pulled out a magazine and held it with the front facing the camera. She was the one on the magazine front and was wearing a bikini and was very beautiful in the photo. I am not sure what kind of magazine it is, but apparently she is famous. Well this certainly made Curtis and Riley's day.
As we were walking down the streets, we constantly got mobbed by people selling trinkets. Now you dont dare stop and look or answer them or 50 more show up. This is just not a good thing to do with my husband. He thinks to be a good Texan, you must speak to everyone. I spent the day telling him not to look or speak. Even riley was telling him to walk in front of us so we could watch him. LOL. He got us mobbed routinely. And when you go to the retail booths, it is like Mexico bargaining X 100. Very aggressive. One lady kept pulling my arm and pulling me back when I passed her. The last time, she pulled so hard I stumbled and almost fell while carrying June in the carrier in front of me. I felt the Momma bear heat rising in my face, but quickly calmed myself. I dont need to call my two oldest sons and ask them to wire me money to get out of jail in China. I see the local headlines now: Foreign Doctor Jailed for Beating Local Woman with Diaperbag. LOL
One weathered old lady with no teeth and stooped back kept coming up to Curtis and rubbing his belly. I told him I think they think he is Budda and is rubbing him for luck. At first it was kindof embarrassing, and everywhere we went she showed up to rub his belly. Finally we got into a golf cart that was to take us to the bus. She was rubbing, but then started kindof slapping his belly and punching it. I really got pretty comical. If I could speak Chinese I would have told her that if she knew how many pork and beans he had eaten on the western buffet at the hotel, she wouldnt be pushing on his belly :)
Today we went thru a beautiful park on a lake and saw Elephant Trunk Hill. It is a hill that has a natural opening all the way thru it and looks (sortof) like a elephant and trunk. But the park was very enjoyable. Nothing like strolling in the heat of the day in 100 degree weather with 100 percent humidity with a baby strapped to the front of you in a carrier. I was ready to jump in the lake before it was over. This afternoon we went to Reed Flute Cave. It was a very beautiful cave and Riley really enjoyed it. But he was pretty disappointed there were no bats or bat guana. June hated the cave and whined the whole time. I think she thought we were back in our hotel room : dark, humid, musty smelling and wet dirty floors. I think our hotel must have flooded recently with all the rains, because it really smells like must and I am glad we are leaving in am, because I am pretty sure our suitcases will start showing black mold on the outside soon.
We are with 3 other families. With our first adoption, we were in a group of 13 families. And with that group, I realized that we international adoption families are an "eclectic" group. Some very unual folks were in that group. Like the lady who found out I was a Dr. and asked if I had vicodin with me. What? Like I am going to travel to China with my suitcase loaded with Vicodin? I wanted to tell her "No, but i do have a little heroin on me" Sheesh. Anyway, when that trip was over, they passed around a piece of paper for everyone to put their address, and I omitted putting our names down. On purpose. But I am amazed at these 3 other families here with us. They are all very wonderful people, with beautiful children, and none are first time parents. The experience they all have is so good when dealing with babies who come to you with definate issues. I am really enjoying their company.
June had a better day today. We went 2 full days without a wet diaper, so yesterday I pushed fluids. She of course does not suck well without a palate, and has not taken to the formula or bottles well. She doesnt chew at all, so table food must be very soft like oatmeal, congee. When we get home I will immediately put her on pediasure and she will need beginner baby food. She is warming up to Riley even more and tonight he had her laughing outloud as he threw her into the air. She is still very frightened of everything. She will not play with a toy, she can walk but screams when I put her down, and screams loudest of all if Curtis even looks at her. She will scream if he even moves around in the hotel room, so yesterday he just laid on the bed frozen, afraid to move. I had to laugh at that point and told him that was beyond rediculous, and she had to get used to him "moving". I finally gave her the pediatric laxative I brought and she had her first dirty diaper today since we got her. I guess we probably have ruled out giardia in this little girl. I can best describe her as a little rabbit that has been caught and held. You can feel them shiver as you hold the, feel their heart race with any new voice, sound or person. I still think she is terrified beyond words. I dont know of any way to fix it quicker . I hold her and make her feel as safe as possible. She seems to do best in my carrier when I wear her against me. I cant wait until the day she is running thru my house laughing and squealing. I know it will come, we just will have to be patient. She is silent. The only sounds she ever makes is crying. No babbling, no sighs, no sounds. The first sound i have heart other than crying was tonight with Riley. It was a soft giggle. Quick, and then she acted a little perturbed at herself that she let her guard down. She clings to me and goes to me easily. But it is not an attachment yet. This takes a long time. It is more of a "you dont scare me as much as he does" grip. I have no idea how this girl is walking. She is so very behind in everything else. Really, I think we almost need a carrier for her (the kind you swing around in your hands) so that I can sit her in the rooms as I walk in and out. Lord help us when I go right back to work when we get home and she stays all day with her Daddy. I am thinking ear plugs may be necessary for the 3 boys at home.
She is a gentle little soul. Soft, doesnt like dirty hands, pulls her pants legs down if they bunch up. She seems to like the girly things I put on her, and has discovered her hair bows today and tries to pull them out. That is one thing , girl, that I wont budge on. Get used to being a bow head. I will take it out at night before bed. I promise.
I will post pictures tomorrow. It takes me too much time to do this since I am tech. challenged and we have to get up at 5am for early flight to Guangzhou. Tomorrow we start the US part of the adoption paperwork. I miss my boys at home. I miss my parents. I miss my house. I miss my soft bed.
love,
The Mildew Bunch

Update from Guilin

2008-06-25T02:14:00.000-07:00

We are now in Guilin, having arrived this afternoon by train. What a beautiful area. The train ride took about 5 hours, and we saw lovely rural areas, rice patty areas with men in traditional hats plowing with water buffalo and oxen. The run down areas looked almost beautiful because of the back drop of the mountains and lush greenery. We are at the waterfall hotel, and are settling in for the night. We will go on the Li River cruise tomorrow and I will post pics of what I hear is an amazing area.
We have managed to find some very good food everywhere we go. One night we stayed in our room, the kids tired, and ordered room service. I ordered spagetti and meat sauce(known for my less than adventuresome palate) and when it came, it was spagetti, but with stir fry peppers, onions and barbeque pork. I tried to tell the room service lady this is not what I wanted, but it looked good so I kept it. I ate it and it really was very good, the barbeque a little fatty but meat tender and sauce good. Riley ate half the plate, and I told Curtis to try the meat. He loved it and said he was going to order it the next day. Well the next night we ate in the hotel restraunt. They brought the menu and it had pictures of all the dishes for us westerners so we can just point. I saw the dish and read the english title. Conger Eel. I felt an overwhelming nausea hit me, only topped by Riley's reaction. However, the next day he bragged to every one that "he ordered and ate eel and it was really good." Good or not, I know what those things look like and it aint every happening again!
June has settled into a pattern of needing and wanting me, crying if I am not holding her, tolerating Riley and sometimes laughing at his crazy faces, but HATING her daddy. Curtis cant get within 5 feet of her without her shaking, and I can feel her heart beating like a little humming bird. She is terrified of him. I told Curtis, just think of how she will react when she is a teenager if she is already this way towards you now. Seriously, this is very normal in adoptions (internationally) because she probably has limited history with men in the orphanage. Of the 4 families here together with our agency, each child has selected a favorite parent and each one doesnt want anything to do with the other one. For some it is the mom, for others the dad. We know this is ok, and dont worry about it. She will come around as she is less frightened of it all. And besides, I react to Curtis this way often also. Scream if he is closer than 5 ft to me. :)
I am still amazed at how young June is in her skills and emotions. She wants to be held next to me like a baby and rocked. She will not try to feed herself and eats about 2 ounces per feeding of congee(rice mixture) . She must have a stomach the size of a peanut. She is not demanding and will sit with food in front of her and waits patiently for me to feed her, even when she is hungry. She has eaten everything I have given her without protest. She only stays awake 3 hours before she whines and lets me know to put her on my shoulder and then she is out in 60 seconds. Really sleeps alot. Like a tiny baby. But she sleeps at night until I finally wake her each morning.
I do think that the orphanage she was in was a good one and that they seemed to care when they handed her to us. The director told me much, and they gave me the camera back I sent and it is full of photos. They also gave me a photo album with many new pics of her that are wonderful: Her with her friends and caretakers and pictures of the outside of the orphanage. But, honestly, I dont care how "good " of an orphanage they are in, it is not the same as having a family to help and love you. My heart is broken for those who stay behind, most of them with no one coming for them, ever. I cant take them all. I can only take this one. Not to help her, but to help me. To help our family. We wanted her and needed her when she didnt want or think she needed us. But many people could and should open their hearts to the many children in this world who just needs somebody. We are done. Maybe someone out there can take the olympic torch from us and come for another waiting "June".
cindy

The Transformation Has Begun

2008-06-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

Smiles are slowly peeking out of our girls face. What a beautiful sight.

2008-06-24T00:54:00.000-07:00

2008-06-24T00:52:00.000-07:00

MY GIRL

2008-06-24T00:44:00.001-07:00

Sleeping Beauty

2008-06-23T23:27:00.000-07:00

This aptly descibes our new daughter. We got her yesterday at 5pm and she cried and grieved for about 30 minutes and fell asleep in the bus going to the hotel. She slept from that point until I woke her at 7am. Almost 14 hrs. She woke up a couple of times last night and I saw her huge eyes open and then when she heard my voice she closed her eyes immediately, probably thinking she was having a horrible dream. How she can sleep 14 hrs thru Curtis's snoring I'll never know:). She has had two long naps today, and I will probably have to wake her for dinner. I on the other hand cant sleep. Not more than 3 hrs a night.
She is lovely, but oh so quiet. We experience the screamer for h--- last time, and on this adoption we are seeing the child who shuts down, and instead of grief, is in the firm grasp of extreme terror. She truly is scared to death. She finally walked some today, so I know she has this skill down. She is very weak in her core muscles, so she leans back to sit and while holding her I must support her back or she will flop back like a 3 month old. She does have fairly good fine motor skills with her hand and can bring a snack to her mouth. But no way could she manage a spoon. She is not ill and no obvious problems except a pretty bad heat rash around her neck. The orphanage director said that this showed up a few days ago and they gave us some steroid cream to apply. They do not have any airconditioning at the orphanage and I can only wonder how hot it must get inside the buildings because it is truly humid and scorching temps here. Poor babies. Just to reassure you all, she is normal for a child raised in an orphanage. I am not at all surprised by her level(9month developmentally, except walking) and I know that she is bright and has a spark in her eyes. She will be fine with a little Texas loving. She is very quiet, and will not try anything without looking at us first. She is just now comfortable enough to even move when I put her in a high chair. For my Mom out there, trust me she is ok. She makes great eye contact and nothing that is abnormal. But we definately do have a baby on our hands. I weighed her today and she weighs 15 lbs. Made me laugh out loud since my oldest son Jordan weighed 11 lbs at BIRTH, and she is 18 months old. I put her in 9-12 months clothes and they were a little big. Probably would fit 6 months perfect. That's OK, she'll need a lapband before we get through with her.
She is gentle and soft. Riley thinks she is just the most awesome baby ever, and I see his little eyes and heart taking it all in. What an amazing life changing trip for him. I guarantee he will be his sisters biggest supporter as she grows up. I have other boys at home, and they all will love her in an amazing way. She is tiny, needy and beautiful. Today is Riley's 11 birthday. Another awful cake for him. LOL. We just looked at this one and never cut it. Looks can be deceiving.
I asked the orphanage director about her foot and how it was injured. She has only 4 toes on one foot and a long scar down the side. It is well healed and doesnt bother her and she walks well on her own. He told me she was left in a box at the side of a river in a small town. This was within 48 hrs of her birth, in January. She got severe frost bite of her foot and the tissue including the toe died down to the bone. She was taken to the hospital for debriedment and toe removal. When he told me this, I got sick to my stomach. Dear God, how awful of a start for this tiny little miracle. I still am so sad over this. I was going to post her gotcha video from yesterday, but she had such fear and grief, I feel it is best left in her private part of her life. My mind will never forget it, but this is for her to try and understand someday, with us at her side.
Love,
Sleepless in Nanning(Mom)
Hibernation crew in Nanning (June, Curtis, Riley)

2008-06-23T03:51:00.000-07:00

Pictures Say A Thousand Words

2008-06-23T03:36:00.000-07:00

Just a short note to let you know we have the fairy princess. I am not exaggerating when I say she is the most beautiful child in the world. She has the largest eyes and longest eyelashes you can imagine. Her skin is fairer than mine(and that is fair). She is tiny and I doubt weighs the 19 lbs they say. I say more like 15. I am thinking the 9 months sizes I brought will fit her. She has alternated between wide eyed fear and wimpering and it just breaks my heart to see her grieve and be afraid. We have had her about 3 hrs, and she has slept much of this. She did let me hold and snuggle her close as she cried. Riley cried and cried today with all the civil affairs activities. There was a 4 year old being given to a family with our group who screamed for her foster mom the entire time. He couldnt stand all the babies crying and he felt so sad for them all. That is my soft hearted little baseball jock boy. Just how I like them. June is precious beyond all our wildest dreams and as i held her while she slept, I felt the weight of the world lift. Of course you all know I cant end it without telling you that they brought all the babies in but ours. No one knew where our baby was and they had not arrived from the orphanage. So as we waited, I was group video and picture taker. I did ok but after quite a while of not knowing what the problem was, I got pretty panicky. But she arrived, late as usual for our family, making her grand enterance into the room and into our hearts. Thank you God for your amazing Gift.
I will post more tomorrow. I am pretty drained tonight.
Love,
cindy curtis riley and JUNE!!!!!

The eagle has landed...

2008-06-22T04:37:00.000-07:00

Well, we finally got here this morning. We arrived at 1:15am and were to be met by our guide or driver. We got our luggage and went outside. And waited and waited. I reread the part of our packet that told us about getting picket up. It said to wait 20 minutes. It is rare to not be picked up. Well one hour later, the airport turned off its lights. We were still standing. There are no phones in the airport past luggage to call anyone. So we said to heck with it and waved for a taxi. We told them the Majestic Hotel. They all just looked at us. I showed the itinerary with the name Majestic Hotel. They just looked at me, because obviously if you cant speak english, most likely you cant read it. So finally 10 taxis later, one knew what the name meant and took us to the hotel. We got here at 3:30am. So much for "rare not to have guide/driver pick you up." Once again, we are rare. I called the travel agency this morning and apparently they didnt understand that the date changed after midnight and were a day off. Oh well, here we are.
Riley has surprised me at how great a traveller he has been. He even has tried some unusual food, with promises of Ramon noodle if he doesnt like it. He has gone thru the Ramon noodles fast so far.
Today is Curtis's birthday. Only a crazy man would turn 50 in China adopting a 18 month old. We are both pretty crazy, but boy I wouldnt want to be too sane. It takes the fun out of life.
A wonderful friend from my office(Joe V) gave us a large donation of money to buy items for the orphanage in Mia's memory. I cant tell you what that did to me when I read that card. He has an adopted daughter from Korea and he knows better than anyone how much a birthmother must give up to allow someone else to raise their child. So I look at the donation as in honor of Peyton and Mia. Two girls loved so much by their families. Our guide called the orphange today to find out what they needed. She talked to the orphanage director who said that they need a digital camera to upload photos to get files ready the help children get adopted. So we went shopping and had great fun buying a digital camera. and we got so many clothes, blankets, socks and shoes, bottles, diapers. I believe it will help the orphange so much.
The director of the orphanage told the guide to tell us our daughter is beautiful, outgoing and walking. She is also the favorite of the orphange so is very spoiled. :) She will fit right in with our other spoiled boys. That is the only way I know how to raise them. I cant believe we get her tomorrow. I am excited, nervous and many other feelings only understood by me. This trip has been so much harder than I expected emotionally. But it all ok. It is as it is. God has blessed us beyond words. I pray tonight that he will cover her heart for tomorrow. She will be scared and I know it. May she slowly accept her new life completely. May we be the right parents for her. May we never compare her to Mia, for no one could compare with the tear-washed memory of a 4 year old. This would never be right, and I will try to never do it. May
we show her the way of love and Christ. I know that tonight a heavenly preparation is going on for her into our family. I do worry about us being 48 and 50. I worry that we will have the energy needed. But I am 100% sure that this adoption is not led by just us. This is a God thing. Completely. And I am in awe that he chose us to walk this precious little girl thru life.
I will post tomorrow after we get her.
I thought you might like to see the cake make by the hotel for curtis. Gotta love pretty cakes that are filled with strange things and taste horrible.
Love,
cindy

Spoiled Pink

2008-06-15T16:15:00.000-07:00

When you get delayed forever during the adoption process, it does scary things to your bank acct. We decided to work on June's room and get things done early while we waited. Unfortunately, I just kept finding things I couldnt live without. My sweet husband painted the room, installed the chandelier, and painted the tree on the wall. I got inspiration from pottery barn, and local baby shops. In case you cant tell, the walls are lipstick pink and just what every little girl should have waiting for her when she comes into a new family. We had fun doing the room, but know she probably wont sleep in it for years. Oh well, it really was for me anyway:)
Hope you enjoy the view into our home..
cindy

June in June

2008-06-11T19:57:00.000-07:00

We are getting close to the date we leave for China. We leave 6/19 at 6:35 pm. We will go to Seattle WA, spend the night, then on to Beijing, layover 5 hrs, and on to Nanning. We get there 6/22 at 1:30 am. Whew! I usually need to be getting paid well to be up at this time of night. We are very excited, but slighly stressed and nervous at the same time. Riley will be traveling with us. I am now wondering what Miss June's personality will be like. I know she will look at 6ft1 inch tall Curtis, 5 ft 8 inch me, and 10 year old Riley who is as big as most adult Chinese males and wonder when the giants landed! We will look like the amazon people to her. She is so very tiny in the photos we have of her and I am sure we will scare her. Heck, we scare me! So, it will be fun to see how she is, meet her, learn of her personality. I expect she will grieve alot, be scared, and most likely whack us upside the head some. But she will learn to love us. Because we first loved her. I dont think anyone who hasnt done an international adoption can understand how you can fall in love with a child in a picture. But you can. Mainly because you love the thought of another child. But because we believe in committment. When we sent in Letter of Intent for her, we were committed to her. She is one child who we can love and help have a better life. We love her because we committed her into our family. And for us, family is everything. So for better or worse sweet June, you are ours. We have committed. Someday the feeling will be mutual. Someday. However, WE ARE SOON LEAVING ON A JET PLANE. DONT KNOW WHEN I'LL BE BACK AGAIN. (well actually 7/2).
Follow us to China. We will post there and send pictures and hopefully little video clips.
Love to you all,
cindy

The Mia Rose Waters Scholarship

2008-05-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

Tonight we presented the 2nd Mia Rose Waters scholarship. We were unable to emotionally do it last year since it was given only one month after her death. They asked us to present it at Trinity Christian Academy graduation. This is the school that Riley has attended since preK and Mia was almost thru her PreK year. They have been fabulous to us. So this year, we considered if we felt up to doing the presentation, and Curtis did not feel he could, but I felt I could so I did the honors. It would have been easier to let Dr. Barber do it this year as last, but I feel she is our daughter and it is our responsibility to ensure her life is honored. Below is what i penned just an hour or so before the ceremony:
As many of you know, our sweet little girl Mia was in preK here last year and passed away a little over a year ago. We had adopted her from China when she was 13 months old. We had prayed for years for a daughter, and God rewarded our hearts desire. She was a fabulous child, one any parent would have been proud to raise. After she passed away, we wanted to honor her memory with a scholarship award fund. We asked that in liu of flowers, that consideration be made to donate to her fund. What we saw was an overwhelming outpouring of love, both in flowers and donations.
We believe in the saying"it takes a village to raise a child". We were not alone in her life. Our church and this school were part of her village. No words can express how kind everyone was and still is to us and our son Riley. So with this in mind, we wish to be part of another Trinity Christian girl's life.We have asked the leadership here at the school to help us choose a young lady who exemplifies what we prayed our daughter would be. We looked for a scholar, but also a christian giver. This is someone who knows that true happiness lies in a life of service to others. We want to be you cheerleaders from the sideline. We will pray for you and your family and your future. Life is a precious thing, and to see a young lady go into this world representing our school and our family well is a joy.
The 2008 recipient of the Mia Rose Quining Waters Memorial Scholarship of 1500.00 is
HANNAH BENJAMIN.
After the program, as we hastily tried to leave and get to the car, we were stopped by several people to tell us how strong we were, how proud they were of us, blah, blah. But for those of you who have yet to go thru unimaginable grief, let me tell you the rest of the story. This 'BRAVE" family keeps the front up well. We smile and thank you and hold our head up high. We talk loud into the microphone to make sure the voice doesnt shake or waver from the emotion of it all.
We go home, take a shower, turn the light off and cry. For you see, no parent should talk about a memorial scholarship in their 4 year olds name. I wish this girl well, and really mean it. But I really just want mine back. I go to sleep tonight wishing Mia was next to me in bed sleeping as she did each night since we got her. Not just sleeping, but going to sleep holding my hand. We arent brave or strong, we are just hurt people trying to put one foot in front of the other because we have no other choice. I grew up with this profound sense of fairness. If it wasnt fair, we were all obligated to try to fix it. Poverty wasnt fair, so volunteerism should be done. Racial inequality isnt fair, and should never be tolerated. Sex discrimination isnt fair and I worked very hard to overcome this in my training and my life. But I have a new perspective now. Some things arent fair and cant be overcome. Loosing her is one of them. I am still trying to accept that. But it isnt fair.

ISNT SHE LOVELY?

2008-05-27T20:11:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness!!! New photos of our sweet girl. Isnt she lovely? She is now a toddler, growing up without me. Where is my Travel Approval????? I want her now.

Letter of Acceptance for Us Finally!!!!!

2008-05-02T20:43:00.000-07:00

Finally, today on day 108 of our wait for LOA, we got it!! This basically means that China says that our new daughter is ours, and this is final. But after what we have gone thru to get here, we also hear all kinds of other things in this acceptance that most never see or feel. We hear from them that they do not hold us responsible for the loss of our first daughter from China. Their questions were very blunt and pointed. And they must have felt our answers were adequate. We hear from this Loa that we are the right family for this new beautiful little girl. We also "hear" from this LOA that we are the ones to be entrusted to love her, raise her and stand on the sidelines and cheer her on in life. My parents have always been my rock in times of need, and we get to be one more child's rock. There is a certainly a feeling of being humbled when you realize that you will soon be handed a small child who has already been thru so much loss in her life. She will have gone thru more pain, saddness and lonliness at her young age than many know in a lifetime. But God in his perfect knowledge has given her to us. Not because we are perfect parents, because heaven knows we arent. But I believe he looked at her and said "those who know loss should be parented by those who have endured loss". She will be loved and cherished forever by us. I pledge to spoil her rotten as I have my other children. I promise to stand by her and cheer her on in life and to be her rock. I hope when she is older and survives her teen years with me(heaven help us both) she looks at me as I do my mother and says "if I could only be more like you".
Sleep well Miss June Lee. From this night on you officially have a mommy, daddy, and family. And with us, a forever family that will help you face life, as you help us face our life. The two things together have gotta be a match made in heaven. I do think heaven is rejoicing with us tonight. Thanks be to our God for allowing us to love a new child again.

A Precious Legacy

2008-03-30T20:06:00.000-07:00

I have been in a major funk for the last 2 weeks. For you see, the govt agency in China that approves a referral has now sent a list of questions to us. They want more info on Mia's death, the accident, and things about her funeral, burial etc. I so was afraid of this, but since they knew of her death when they gave us approval(PA) in Jan., I expected questions then, not now. We are on day 75 of our wait to LOA, and many people get this by now. So we had to answer these questions and rehash it all again. And send info on her funeral, burial and scholarship fund we award in her name. So you can imagine how different it is to not only wait, but to wait anxiously.
So this is where my heart and soul have been for the last 2 weeks. In a funk. But I must tell you my next story....
I deliver babies at 2 hospitals in Ft Worth, TX. One of the hospitals just built the most beautiful women's hospital for labor and delivery and female surgery and care. Truly one of the nicest facilities probably in the country. Friday night was to be the formal tour followed by dinner in downtown Ft Worth at a very nice club. This was for all the board of directors and physicians. I have been excited about my patients having this choice now for their healthcare. But because of the "funk" I wasnt going to the tour and party. But my best friend and call partner twisted my arm and told me I had to go for "political reasons". Huh. So I donned my fancy clothes and went to the tour and dinner. As we valet parked at the hospital entrance, I walked into the most beautiful lobby you would ever see in a hospital. There are fountains, marble and gorgeous commissioned art. Many original pieces are statues for women and dresses. So lovely. As the director walked me around, she took me by 3 gorgeous hand painted pictures . The first is of a little girl, the second is of a toddler boy, the third is of a lovely chinese girl with a big bow in her hair. She told me they paid 20,000 each for the paintings. I looked at the picture of the chinese girl and caught my breath. It looked so much like Mia I had to look away. I commented on how I loved them, and we walked on. After the remainder of the tour, my husband pulled me aside and told me that picture sure looks like Mia. I made some comment of how I was glad they had diversity in the photos and we went to dinner. There we all sat down and the Director spoke. She made mention that the project was like being pregnant 3 years and asked since I delivered her baby 15 years ago, was it possible to be pregnant that long. I laughted and remembered how hard her pregnancy had been. She had had many problems that pregnancy, required surgery during the pregnancy and hospital care. I was so grateful that her son is 15 and has been the light of her life. As the dinner ended, she walked to my table and kneeled beside me. She told me that she will never forget me holding her hand and promising her I would do everything I could to help her with this baby she was carrying. She told me she will never forget the calm she got with me. And because of this she was eternally grateful. She told me that when Mia died, she grieved with me. And she will never forget the tribute in her funeral and the story of her life. So when they commissioned the paintings, she told the artist to paint Mia in one of them. That picture is Mia. My Mia. There for all the women and children who walk thru those doors to see. When I pass away, She will still be up there. I am eternally grateful for people like this who know just when I need to feel loved. How can you be in a funk when people love you like this? I just wish China knew that she was so loved and still loved. They would stop with the questions and approve us AGAIN for June Lee. Because someday I want my husband to bring her to the hospital to visit me on call, and have her walk by that picture and say "That is my big sister Mia".
Pray for us and our new child. Pray for CCAA to send quick LOA. Pray for my anxiousness. Pray for Riley because he so wants a little sister and if it does not go thru, he will be devestated. And he has been through enough.

PHOTO UPDATES!!!!!!!

2008-02-06T19:03:00.000-08:00

Here are 4 of 13 new photos we got from 2 angels, one on my agency email site(Kelly R.) and her friend in China, Angela. I just looked at her and my heart melted. These photos are from 2 weeks ago. I have some sadness in seeing how big she is getting and how she is growing without me. I am glad she looks so very healthy and developmentally on target. In just a few months we get to go get her and bring her home. How lucky can our family be?

Off To A New Journey

2008-01-13T14:10:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my attempt to get into the information 21st century. We are off to a new journey to get our new daughter June Lee Meixing Waters. Please join us as we start ANOTHER ride of our lives.

As most of you know, we adopted a precious little girl from China in 2003. Our sweet little daughter Mia Rose was very ill when we got her, very behind developmentally and very malnourished. I remember the first time I held her I couldnt believe that someone had just handed us a beautiful 13 month old little girl to just walk away with. We quickly took her to the hotel room to check out and it took me 12 hours to decide if she had poor muscle tone due to neglect or had cerebral palsy. We also found out she was very ill with pneumonia, double ear infections and profoundly impacted. She was unable to hear much until we had tubes put in and her first speech was much like that of a deaf child.
Fast forward to 2007 and you would have seen a gorgeous little lady who sang(off key of course), danced and fiercely loved her mom and dad and brothers. She was becoming quite the diva and I secretly smiled at that, knowing if anyone deserved to be spoiled it was her. But the best part was that she was growing in the love and understanding of Jesus Christ. I will never forget her playing Tball and the boy on first tapped her with his glove to get her out. She just stood there crying and I ran on the field to get her to go back to the dugout and just as I got there she looked at me and said "That boy doesnt have Jesus in his Heart!!! I had to laugh as I tried to explain to her that was how you play baseball and he was not just being mean. I wondered then if I was raising the church lady from Saturday Night Live sit com. She was fabulous and everything we ever dreamed of for a daughter. However, God had a different need for her in his plan. She passed away 4/17/07 in a tragic drowning accident while under the after school care of our nanny. We will never understand or have peace with her being gone. We will never stop loving her and missing her. But our only answer to this horrible situation is that we believe God looked at this sweet little girl living in an orphanage in china. He knew her days would be numbered as 4years8months6days. He knew she was too special to live them without a loving family. So he saw us dreaming of a little daughter, and knew we were strong enough to love her everyday like it would be her last, take her all over the country and other countries on trips, touch her and caress her like she was the gift she was. He knew we would be overwhelmed with the loss and grief but we were strong enough to survive and keep going. He knew we would take the loss and make as much good from it as we could. The loss does not define us as a family. We hope it show others what a belief in heaven does when you loose a loved one. We hope is show people that we are not necessarily strong, but humbled by the time we had with her. We are 2 parents with children very devoted to each other and who know how to love each other, and children brought into our family out of love.

We believe God has looked down and felt we completed our first journey well. He has blessed us with the referral of another little girl. She waits for us now in China. Her birthday is 1/2/07. She will be named June Lee Meixing Waters. June is in honor of her grandmother Doris June and me(Cynthia June). Lee is in honor of her dad Curtis Lee. Meixing is her chinese name and we do not yet have a translation. She has a repaired cleft lip and an unrepaired cleft palate. She also has an orthopedic small toe issue. We hope to travel by May to get her.

We know this new daughter will not replace Mia. We do not want to. She will forever be 4 years old in our heart, even when we are much older. But our house is empty, and we want to parent another child who may not otherwise get a chance to know what a family is. She may not know ever without us that she can be anything she wants with us at her side cheering. She may not know what it is like to have 3 brothers loving and spoiling her. But most of all, she may not know without us who Jesus Christ is. We gotta believe there are a few more first base tballers who need little girls preaching to them!

So, yes we know that Jordan is getting married 7/07 and leaving the home. Yes we know Tyler goes off to College 8/08. Yes we know Riley will soon be 11 and more independent. Yes we know we are getting old. But, we are not too old to love again. We are not too old to give one more child a chance. We are not too old to devote the next couple of decades to show the world what a child does to a family. She will bring us far more than we have to give her. And that is a wonderful thing. Follow us thru this blog on our journey!